I read my family’s blogs and enjoy doing so more than I can even say. I feel so in touch with my extended family…more than I ever have. I would like to preface what I have to say by first letting everyone know that my love for my family is so strong that I can’t even put it in words. Family is everything to me and I love each and every person in it regardless of the different lifestyles we may all lead. I would do anything for anyone because of that love.
So as I’m sure we’ve all read there is a certain feud going on with some of our loved ones. It is no ones business as far as the details…I understand that completely. I have watched and read and my heart has ached for both sides of the feud. I was there in their lives while the hurt that has caused the feud was taking place and I personally saw both sides of the coin. That is because I have been a member of this family for 40 years…not just 4 ½ years. The people in question, are very near and dear to me, and I ached then when I saw the pain then and I ache now when I see what is going on.
Both parties involved are like sisters to me even though I don’t see them as much as I used to back then. One was my big sister while growing up and man…she did give me grief. But now matter how much…I LOVE HER unconditionally. And the younger person, became like my little sister as well. I LOVE HER unconditionally too. I cared for her while I saw her hurt and at one point, I wrote her a letter. A very personal one between she and I to let her know how much I cared. How that I would be here for her no matter what. That I thought (and still do think) that she is a beautiful person with much to share with the world. And that I had a shoulder to help her with any issue that she may have. My shoulder is still here even though we have grown up and have our own families now. It is not for me to judge their feelings but I can and do want to be a part of their lives even if the details are none of my business. I have a good idea what they are…as I WAS THERE.
So with that said, I have to continue by saying that since I was there, then I can comment on some harsh words directed at my aunt Beth. My aunt Beth has always been around…here in Oklahoma…very much involved in our lives. Even though she may not have been physically present at every family occasion (as we ALL have missed some here and there due to other family demands), she has always been with us … close to us… involved in our lives…AND LOVING AND CARING FOR EACH AND EVERYONE OF US. Distance between our houses does not make that love dissipate or mean that we are not involved or aware of what is going on in our family members’ lives. No, I don’t know the day to day details about everyone but the big stuff…we share. My aunt Beth is one of the most loving and caring individuals on the face of the earth. She has had some hard knocks herself, but she keeps her faith and gets through it all. She knows what estrangement feels like and she can so very much empathize with how it feels for someone else.
Here I am…another family member who LOVES both parties involved very deeply saying that I want my cousin back in my life. Am I demanding that she be in my life? No. I cannot demand anything of her. She is a grown woman. But I do NOT want my wish or my aunt Beth’s wish to be misconstrued as a demand. It is not. It is a simple wish and hope that I pray for all the time. Furthermore, I don’t think my comments are self-centered. They are simply a wish that I have for my WHOLE family. Not just myself. Our family is a strong unit … even if we live miles apart. NOTHING OR NO ONE will ever change that.
To expand on self centeredness… in my opinion, your effort to keep my cousin from this family is completely self-centered. You are definitely not considering that there are 2 sides to each coin and no matter what you have “observed” in your short time with this family… YOU HAVE NO RIGHT to question a mother’s love for her daughter…no matter what is between them. That is an unconditional love that never goes away. Someday when you are a parent, I pray that you will understand that statement.
To my precious cousin, I hope I did not offend you or make you angry enough with me to never talk to me again. I assume you are going to be angry with me but hopefully for only a short period of time. These are my only words I will say on this matter…unless you ask me directly. But I was hurt and angered by what I read tonight. WE ALL LOVE YOU…EVEN YOUR MOM. You need to work out your emotions … I completely understand that and I respect that. I know that you do not want comments from anyone else on this matter…I read your blogs and I remember you saying that. And I’m sorry to put it out here…but that’s what my blog is for. To let out my emotions. But I love you and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut this time. I hope that you will come back to us soon. I miss you more than you know.
Love to all.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
I need to let some stuff out...
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2 comments:
I'm not mad at you for expressing your feelings and frustrations about this situation. I never meant to put anyone in the middle of this whole thing.
I do want to address a couple of things though. D has NEVER tried to keep me from the family. He has always supported me in all of my decision regarding who I'll see and where I'll go. Also, he was not trying to say that my mother doesn't love me, just that she has no idea how to show that love.
I read D's comment on Beth's blog before it was posted and approved of what he had written. He is possibly going to write a post on my blog to explain what he meant by her being selfish.
D, while only knowing me for 4 and 1/2 years, has been told a lot more about what has happened to cause this whole thing than anyone (even my dad, who is the only other person to get most of the details). So he is a lot more versed in the situation than everyone seems to think he is. And I'm not sure what everyone thinks this situation is about, but there are some VERY compelling reasons to me to not talking to my mother.
Well it was late last nite and maybe some things didn't come out as I wanted them to. But I thought that was a tad harsh for someone expressing love and concern.
As you spent alot of time in my household, I did see and hear many things that make it easy for me to understand your frustrations. So I do understand you needing to spend some time figuring things out and if that means keeping your distance for a while, then that is your way to deal with it.
However, one thing I always tell my kids: In life, you are always going to have to deal with people that you dislike or that you may get angry with and have some issues. (For instance, when they hate their teacher and want me to switch them. I won't. They need to learn to deal with all types of personalities and situations, etc.) So I try to help them deal with whatever the situation is at the time.
I hope you don't stay away for ever. Take your time for yourself, but sometimes in order to heal, you need to face things head on. That's not to say you have to face it in person every day..but baby steps are nice. That issue is always going to be there and it will never go away. You've achieved forgiveness...that is wonderful and a nice first step. Later when your alone time is complete, face the issue little by little. Eventually I think it will fade enough to enjoy the present without feeling that old stuff always. I don't always agree with or enjoy things those I love say and do, but because of my love for them, I do not dwell on it and just accept that person for who they are. That doesn't mean I have to change my values to be like that person, but I can enjoy what time I do spend with them a little better if I can accept our differences.
In my opinion...By staying away from it, it's a little like avoidance. Since the issue never goes away and is unaddressed, it looms there forever. I find this in my work sometimes when I have to make a difficult phone call. I avoid it... I find everything else in the world to do and say I don't have time right now. But that issue does hang over me and it's always in my mind. Once I take the step to make that phone call, I feel so much better. It may be difficult during the call, but afterwards, I have a sense of completion and accomplishment. Does that make sense?
Well this is some more of my opinion. (I think turning 40 is flipping a switch in me.) Take it and do with it what you wish. Just know, I'm here...loving you as much as ever.
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