Lord Give Me Strength

I am praying really hard tonight for the Lord to give me strength in dealing with a troubled teenager. This week has been absolutely horrible and it's going on right now. It's all I can do to sit in this room and keep quiet. We are dealing with so many issues with her and with my mother-in-law. I wish I could put a shield around Tristan so he doesn't have to hear this. If the weather weren't so bad, he and I would be driving around until they finish. It's his bed time...I'm almost thinking of keeping him home even if school is open.

I pray for me to keep my thoughts pure and wise and helpful. I pray for Tristan to not be upset and affected by what he hears. I pray for her to get past whatever this is that is causing her to rebel. I am so upset and angry right now it is hard for me to pray for her. That is truly an awful thing to say and I am ashamed for saying it. Being a step mom is the toughest job in the world. Especially when you have spent 9 years trying so hard to fill a void that is in her life. I feel totally unappreciated and unloved and I'm not really sure if I want to continue to care and fill that void. I most especially pray for Chance. He is caught in the middle of so many things affecting the most important people in his life that he loves so much he'd give his life for them. I pray for the pain to go away.

I pray for peace, harmony, and enlightenment.

This and That

Hope everyone enjoyed their holiday weekend! I know I sure did. We finally got our lights on the house today. Good thing the rain stopped. The tree went up yesterday, but we didn't get to put on the ornaments until tonight. There are some missing and we need to go find them. Tristan decorated the tree all by himself. We have about 4 bulbs on each branch. The clusters are very lovely. I will try to take a picture.

I have to say that after perusing all the blogs that I especially love Phil's last couple of entries. It was nice to hear from Uncle Phil instead of professional Phil. Don't get me wrong. I love reading the professional Phil but it's Uncle Phil I love even more. I hope that someday you can create a true Uncle Phil blog with all the wisdom and teachings I grew up with. My favorite being, "When you're with your honey..." I think I would also love to see videos of my Uncle Phil with his ukelele. Not sure how to spell that word. And don't say that you could never figure that one out cuz I know Chara could definitely get one posted! ;o) Chance has never had the opportunity to see an official ukelele concert! Oh and I hope you and Jackie are both feeling better!

Taylor is officially 14 years old today. How time flies! I think I've said that somewhere before...

We are in the process of getting Chance and the kids their Indian cards. Chance's dad's family are all on the Choctaw roles. We originally got the paperwork a few years ago, and just this year, actually filled them out. We are so on top of things, aren't we? Well after waiting for about 4 months, we get a letter that we need an Affidavit of Parental Acknowledgement filled out and notarized. We already did that about 5 years ago to get Chance's dad on his birth certificate. (If you remember, Chance didn't know his dad until right before we got married.) So Saturday, during halftime of the bedlam game (Go Sooners!), I have his dad fill his part out. It asked for his race and he put down white! His mom, Chance's 74 year old grandma who's addicted to the computer, gave him such a hard time over that. We laughed so hard. He's filling out the form for Indian ancestry/blood cards and he puts down white. And he's the parent who's responsible for the blood line! So after much badgering, he put a "/American Indian" on it. Grandma Betty informed him that he should put down Indian on everything, no matter what. He says that he's mostly white. I am so not relaying this in the humorous manner in which it played out. Let's just say it was funny.

Only 4 more weeks until Christmas break! I am so excited. My last day of work is December 22 and I don't have to go back until January 2. Woo hoo! Chance and I are actually going to celebrate our anniversary this year like we did when Tristan was first born. We are going to go stay in a hotel here in the city that's near the movie theatre and a nice steak restaurant. Tristan will spend the night with Grandma and Taylor will be visiting her mom. We plan to drink some champagne and this way we will not be driving anywhere. We can just walk to both places. We had such a good time those 4 or 5 years ago. Next year, we hope to stay in the new hotel in Bricktown that's near Harkins theatre and do the same thing. There is much more to do down there and all within walking distance. Wish that hotel was open this year!

Well, I don't really have much to say. Hasta la vista baby! (Oh that reminds me! Chance and Tristan were watching Terminator 2 the other day. I walked in the room and Tristan says, "Mama look! We are watching the Tow Mater!" Chance and I laughed pretty hard.)

I'll be back.

Yeah for the holidays!

As I read blogs tonite, I find myself compelled to write. However, I am not sure I can write with the intellect that Sara has. Her blog made me cry as I thought of my own feelings on her topic. So just bear with me. I am sorry if I ramble.

It's the holidays and I am so happy about it. I love the time off of work and the time I get to spend with my family. As Halloween approaches, I am always busy with planning costumes and school events and I think of the holidays with dread. Here it comes...so much to do...not enough time...no money for presents...doing our best to get to everyone's houses all in one day and make everyone feel like we spent a decent amount of time with them. That part is really stressful. But, I don't think I would trade it for the world. Chance and I have always wished to have the holidays at our house. As many of you remember, we tried that when we first moved in here. I felt like I was packing everyone in a sardine can. So, I will not ask everyone to suffer until I get a larger house. But I hope to host at some point in the future! And no matter what the worries, as the days get closer, I get so excited and ready for it. I actually want to cook stuff. And this year that want is worse with my new oven. I get it all together and stress over hauling it but I'm always happy to do it. I then spend the rest of my day trying to visit with the family and inside worrying all day long how Tristan is behaving. He's like his father and can't sit still. He's getting better as he gets older but he's never his cute little gentleman self when I want him to be. Why is that?

As our family grows, I do get sad over the fact we can't all get together like in the past. I really miss that. And with Chance's family, I really have a much larger family to enjoy. But it's still not like it was when growing up. But I understand why we are all in our separate places. So this year, I am thankful for technology as well as all the other blessings in my life. Without the internet and these blogs, I wouldn't know much about how everyone is doing. Before these blogs, I would get on the computer once in a while, with weeks in between. There's only so much surfing one can do. Besides I like to read. Email has been great, but who takes the time to sit down and write about their day and email it to the extended family? Not many of us...unless it's something really important. Now I find myself turning on the computer everyday. The first thing I do, is open all the blogs. I have found I need to check and see if anyone has updated. I am almost always disappointed if no one has. All I need is one update to get me through the day. Oh and comments. I need to see comments too! Now, I know my cousins. And as we all get our parents hooked up, I am getting to know my aunts and uncles more. Even though we are all separate, we are so much closer than we were before. Isn't that just amazing when you think about it? Of course, its' still not as good as picking up the phone and visiting...something I am very guilty about not doing. Mom is the only one who gets the hour long phone calls. But, by the time I can sit down and visit, it is late at night after everyone is in bed. It's too late to call anyway. She and I often IM rather than talk on the phone. Now isn't that crazy too???? So, my list of blogs has grown immensely. I am anxiously awaiting Jackie and my other cousins in Tennessee to get on board. And also for Sami to get Pat on this blogspot so I can comment to her as well. Terry....haven't heard from you since April! Dad...need to ramble more! I wish we could get Moms a computer and teach her to use it. What a wonderful blog that one would be! One to print off and make a book, that's for sure. Chance's grandma got her first computer at the age of 74. They tell me she never gets off it! I get about 10 emails from her a day. That has been so delightful.

We also have to plan Taylor's birthday during Thanksgiving every year. That adds to the stress but we pull it off. That kid gets at least 4 different birthday parties. What a life! So, I'm planning birthday cake for one event and I'm actually baking little heart shaped cakes for the party at my sister-in-law's house. On Wednesday, I am taking her to see the All American Rejects concert as part of her birthday present. It is going to be just her and me. I hope all goes well as you know how we've been touch and go lately. But I think her excitement will take over and we will have a good time nonetheless. That event will hinder my baking as I will not have any evening to do so. So I will have to get up early on Thursday to prepare everything. I think this may be one of those years we might not be as timely as we prefer. No snickering out there. I have been on time on occasion!

We also have a tradition at our house to decorate for Christmas and put up the tree on Thanksgiving weekend. So that is something to look forward to as well. I love getting out all the stuff and ooing and awwing over the stuff I forget I have. Chance also puts the lights on the house. Tristan has seen other lights and has been begging for ours to go up. He informed me today that Thanksgiving is here and we need to get them up now. I can't wait to get it out but I also am usually ready to put it all up by the time Christmas day arrives! Am I ever happy??? LOL

I am also proud to say that we have much of our Christmas shopping done. Other than stocking stuffers, we are done with the kids! Woo Hoo! I so love preparing for Santa and them getting up to find their goods. Taylor knows that drill but she still gets a Santa gift too. We put out cookies and milk and she now likes to drink and eat them for Chance.

Well I guess I've written way too much. I just wanted to say that I am thankful for my family too. I love reading the blogs. And I'm thrilled to death that Beth is home.

XXXOOO

New oven & a milestone

OK - here it is...the new oven. I am a new woman and have been a baking fool. The roast came out pretty good and I've made some cookies too. I got a new vent too as you can see:

My flash really reflected. Anyway you can get the idea. I am eager to use it but at the same time, I don't want to get it dirty. I made BBQ chicken wings the nite we got it and they dripped on the bottom. I was traumatized. But I lived. The door actually closes and it's so easy to open! I just don't know what to do with myself. I think I spent half my grocery budget today on things to bake. Oh and when I cook on a skillet...it's actually level! My food stays where I put it and doesn't move to one side. Now that is something! I had happy eggs this morning.

The milestone: Saturday nite, when we were getting ready to take the oven off the truck, Taylor asked if she could back my car out of the garage. She's been able to drive for some time...her mom would let her drive in their apartment complex parking lot and Chance has driven with her in the truck on his grandparents land. But I've never seen her get in by herself and drive. We plan to give her my car (if it's still alive by the time she can drive) and I will get a new one. She tells me that she got to back her grand dad's truck in the driveway the other day and that if she's going to inherit the car, she should practice driving it. So, I give in. There she goes...she gets in and starts it. Chance is standing close by to talk her through it - it's a tight squeeze getting the mirrors through the garage door. There she goes, all by herself...backing it out to the end of the driveway. It was dark but that smile lit up the whole yard. It was the eeriest feeling seeing her do that. I told her that she is supposed to stay our baby and not do such grown up things. I don't think I'm over it yet. I'll probably break down and bawl when Tristan backs the car out the first time. Why do they grow up so fast???

Well that's all for tonite. I'm doing last minute laundry and trying to get to bed. I'll write again soon (when I'm not baking!) LOL

Yeah it's Friday

I'm so glad it's Friday. I'm ready for a peaceful, relaxing weekend. Our work server will be down so I won't have the nagging thoughts in the back of my mind to do some work. Not that I would've probably, but I always bring it home and think about it. I started resenting working from home a couple of semesters ago when I thought about my coworkers not working from home and enjoying their families. My workload has been greater than others but this semester I got some other people to help out. It was nice.

Tomorrow, we are delivering a cherry wood entertainment center to Beth. My step mother in law has been trying to find someone to take it for quite some time. I'm glad I saved it from being put out on Dave and Heather's curb. After we take that over there, we are all going to lunch...Pat, Beth, Moms, Mom & Dad and all of my family. And we are NOT going to Pioneer Pies. I am extremely happy about that. The food hasn't been so hot the last few times we've gone there. The pie, however, is always spectacular.

Also tomorrow, I get to purchase a new stove. Mine is as old as this house, and has been falling apart the past month or so. The spring on the door broke and it doesn't shut all the way. I have trouble baking...I heat up the kitchen more than the food. It was a surprise that I get it tomorrow. We are shopping along with Chance's partner, James, and his wife, Paula. They need a new stove too so the business is buying them for us. That is very cool in my book. After this purchase, we have officially replaced every appliance in this house. The only thing left is the air conditioner but we have replaced the outside unit once. We've even replaced the washer once since we moved in. I think the dryer is coming very soon. We overwork those things. I almost feel sorry for them. Right now, I'm thinking a nice roast will be wonderful for dinner on Sunday. I haven't been able to make one of those in a while.

My sister-in-law, Heather, had her gall bladder removed on Tuesday. They did it on an out patient basis and everything went just fine. It is amazing that you can have an organ removed and go home the same day. And you only end up with four little incision places instead of one giant one. She said the one that hurts the most is the one where they blew her stomach up. The ones where they actually removed the organ feel better. Now that is just freaky. Anyway, I am glad it all went so well and she is doing fine.

I am wondering if Tina is still alive. She called me prior to Labor Day from the hospital and she was fighting another lung infection. I am not a very good friend. I haven't called her to check up on her...I have no idea how things turned out. I think of her evey day and usually do not get a chance to think about calling until late at night. With her being an hour ahead, I can't call by that time. I should try and email I guess. I hope she is OK. I'm a bad Brandee.

Tristan saw a story line on TV last night in which a mother gave birth to a baby. He had asked about her before and I told him she had a baby in her belly. When they placed the baby in the mother's arms, he asked me if she swallowed the baby. Chance and I laughed (quietly to each other) and I wasn't sure what to say. I said no and he said OK. I then began trying to explain how it worked but Chance told me to stop. Was too much and he was happy with no. They should have a book of responses to kid questions. How are we supposed to answer properly when we are caught off guard???? A little book that we can carry around in a pocket or purse would do just fine. But I guess God had different plans for us parents. We have to wing it. I guess that's what makes life so interesting.

Well now that I've bored you with the mundane things in my life, I guess I'll go and play some games. Or read. I'll let ya know how cool my new stove is.

Ciao.

P.S. They are offering a class in chinese on campus this semester. First time ever in my 12 years there. I am very excited and really want to take it. I have always wanted to learn that or Japanese. The only problem is that it is during the day. Would have to beg the boss. If they offer it in the evening, I am so there. I'm so glad they are expanding the offerings of languages.

Senior moment

OK so here's the pic that gave me problems yesterday. I had a major senior moment. My daycare lady called me last nite to remind me that she is having surgery today. I knew it was coming but I had completely forgot. I have no memory at all of her telling me the exact date. I remember where we were standing and talking about it but not that little part. Makes me feel crazy. So I had to pick up Tristan at school today and stay home with him. I guess I shouldn't complain about getting off work but I sure had a stupid reason to ask off. Chance is staying home with him tomorrow. I am so glad she called or he would have been left at school with no one to pick him up.

How about another?

Someday when I have more time (ha ha ha ha) and my dream camera, I hope to be as creative with pictures as Sami. I so love photography. Wish I could make my living at it.

Well gonna go read. Had a traumatizing day with a mouthy teenager. I'm pooped. Want to read and get my mind somewhere else. Hasta luego.

Where have I been?

Wow I just realized it's been well over a month since I last posted. Where have I been? Well just doing my normal thing. I've been reading everyone else's blogs but I haven't felt like taking the time to write in my own. I've been reading the blogs and then signing off to read books. Guess I've been more in the mood for that.

I don't really have anything profound to say. I need to sit back and reflect to see if there's anything noteworthy to say. We survived Halloween. Had a party at Tristan's school last week. I was a witch and he was the red Power Ranger. Mom and Dad got to have all the fun with him. I had to work the karioke machine. I know this... alot has changed in two years since Taylor was there. The parents volunteer now but they surely don't dress up. I think I was the only parent dressed up...the rest were teachers who were paid to be there! So next year, I will go as me. I think that's scary enough, don't you?

Last night we took Tristan trick or treating. That was nice - we did it fast. I had him fed, treated, bathed and in bed by 8:00. That's a miracle in our world. We are always running late. We were allowed to dress up at work yesterday. My office voted to dress in the 60's era. Of course I chose to be a hippy because all I had to do was wear my regular clothes to work. I donned my tye dye t-shirt, jeans, big brown slides, peace sign earrings, and I bought some really groovy John Lennon/hippy glasses. It was much more fun than being the witch for sure! Here's a pic of me and my best friends...try to control your laughter:

We call ourselves the Fantastic Four. Sunny, the pirate, and Janet, Inspector Gadget, work on the other side - Records. They didn't go with a theme. Mary and I did the hippy thing. We are a motley crue, but somehow we are best friends. In the back, that's Lesa in the red shirt and Michele, as the really cool mod chick, who are my fellow Admissions Counselors. I have more but I don't wanna bore ya. Got some more coming to me too so I may post more later.

Let's see...what has happened since I last wrote. We've struggled off and on with Tristan and his behavior at school. I have developed a completely shameful reward system to encourage him to get stickers at school. It has been working. So I guess that is good. He got his report card last week and he is behind in some areas. We need to work with him more. He's very smart...he just doesn't like to be tested. I could tell that on some of the marks. I know he can some of that stuff..he just didn't want to when he was tested.

Taylor's grades dropped and she is currently grounded because of it. However, she has come up in some of her classes. She simply never brings home homework no matter what we do. And she never studies for tests. It's catching up with her. I feel like we are giving up but we have tried everything. I've preached, prodded, begged and cried over it trying to reach her in some way. She simply doesn't care about it. I hope she grows out of it at some point. I can't handle four more years of this worry.

Chance is ready to move out on the land and begin his nursery. We have so outgrown this house. Well that is all fine but our land is in Dibble...not my choice of school districts. So we are at an impass on how to make this work without waiting 10 years for Tristan to grow up. I'll keep you updated if anything works out and actually progresses. We are pretty stressed about it trying to compromise for everyone. I think he's ready to win the lottery...He said he would buy 1000 acres, build a compound and put his mother in one house, us in another and my parents in another. About 10 miles apart. He's going to build a big fence around it and put a big M on the gate. I told he we would have to add an S for Mom and Dad. Then he says how about S & M. I'm not sure which is worse, that or Multiple Sclerosis. We'll have to get creative.

OK - I feel like posting one more picture ... but it won't let me post it. I've reduced the size many many times. Oh well. I guess next time. Talk about things that make you go AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

As I look at the picture I posted, there is really a glare on my nose. I sure wish I could get one of those others to go. I'm going to be on a mission.

Well now that I am really rambling, I'll go. I'll try to write again soon with something more interesting. Cya later.